Spent a little time on Team Inspire this morning...

and my eyes are filled with tears. I saw that while I was busy a new mommy with SCAD joined our group. It brings back the emotions of that time. I wouldn't wish it on anyone (plus I am not that way anyway! LOL). To be a new mommy and to have to endure such a challenging time is almost too much. Had it not been for the Lord and my family, I could not have made it. It took ALL that I had. These days I am dealing with a little bit of sadness that it did occur. I am BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE to be here but I can't help but feel sad that I did not get to really enjoy my sweet little Ryleigh as a baby, especially since she was my last. I tried, oh how I tried but mentally & emotionally I was consumed. I was here with her every moment but I did not get to savor it like I did with my first daughter and it breaks my heart because my sweet baby deserved more. Since I had the 10 lb limit, I was terrified to pick her up because I thought it could happen for the 3rd time. Even though I was encouraged to pick her up I just wouldn't because I thought it would be better for me to be here than to pick her up. I feel sad that I didn't get to truly have the joy that you have with a new baby. I had it for 7 days and I will cherish that. After that it was just a blur. I get upset & I cry my eyes out but then I remind myself that although I did not have any control over what happened and that it was not anything like I had hoped for it to be, that I am still BEYOND BLESSED to be here with her, with both of my girls, with my sweet husband and my wonderful family. I originally thought the weeks in the hospital were the hardest and boy was I glad the moment I was discharged but the moment I stepped away from the hospital, I was really faced with the toughest part of the journey. My sweet baby girl will be 10 months tomorrow and what a 10 month journey it has been! Mostly thankfulness & knowing that I am blessed mixed with a little bit of sadness and then a teeny, tiny bit of anger. But really that is life, it is what you make it so I choose to focus on what I have had and what I do have! I am blessed. :)